Enter “The Warden”

Posted On August 19, 2024

When Planet Earth Needs a Superhero

Patrolling Swamp, Meadow & Forest

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August 19, 2024

Somewhere Deep in The Adirondack Mountains

It materialized as if out of nowhere. A spinning disk-shaped object, sitting low over moonlit mountain lake water, emitting not even the slightest whisper of sound as it hovered. Its dimly lit outline was draped in a greenish hued mist the color of algae. Many eyes saw it. None of them human.

From the spinning disk came a dim beam of light, also algae green hued, slowly scanning the shoreline. The lake’s late-night symphony of frogs and crickets immediately fell silent. Fleeing owls hooted. Coyotes howled. Loon sirens wailed. Deer, racoons, foxes, mice, chipmunks and red squirrels heeded the warnings. Some scurried for cover. Others quickly evacuated. As the greenish hued beam searched the shoreline, one lone critter remained.

He’d climbed out on a limb, both literally and unbeknownst to him at the time, figuratively. The tree leaned precariously out over the water, but the critter was undaunted, determined to satisfy his late-night hankering for cedar. When the spinning disk’s algae hued beam spotted him, he immediately froze in mid cedar munch, mesmerized. He fell from his limb. A splash rippled the water. The algae hued light beam silently levitated the creature from the water and quickly retrieved him. The spinning disk-shaped object evaporated back into the nowhere of darkness from whence it had emerged. For unknown purposes witnessed by no one, the disk-shaped object had just captured a porcupine.

Inside the disk-shaped object, several diminutive green skinned humanoid creatures hovered over their captive, belly up on some sort of gurney, eyes wide open, breathing but motionless. The green skinned humanoids had large oddly shaped heads and huge dark oblong eyes. They studied their captive. One drew a syringe full of blood. One attached a series of blinking nodes to the porcupine’s head and body. Another, one spindly three fingered hand armed with a syringe filled with a glowing blue liquid, injected him.

The diminutive green creatures held telepathic consultation as they studied the porcupine.

“This planet’s life forms face crisis. This planet called Earth desperately needs a guardian. This creature seems rather unassuming. Are we certain it will suffice?”

“Time is of the essence. There are other life bearing planetary system in this remote galaxy of far more consequence demanding our attention. The humans our ancestors seeded here eons ago have proven themselves self destructively unworthy. This creature will better suit our mission’s life sustaining purpose. We have the technology. We will enhance its capabilities.”

The green skinned humanoids nodded in agreement.

“So it shall be. Commence transformation.”

“What are this creature’s naturally occurring capabilities?”

“He is an excellent tree climber, a good swimmer, emits a stench as a defense mechanism, and is armed with a daunting array of quills, which appear to possess some inherent antibiotic capabilities.”

“Then we shall enhance his brain capacity and muscle mass. Give him the power of telepathic communication with all earthly species. Upgrade his tree climbing speed and swim buoyancy. Strengthen his stench defense. Weaponize his quill system, but in a non-lethal fashion. Enhance the quills’ antibiotic capabilities. Fireproof his coat. Give him tele-transport capabilities within this planet’s green realm.”

Oversized hairless green heads nodded. Lights flashed. Electrodes hummed. The porcupine’s body convulsed several times. His body mass visibly increased. Several more injections with a glowing green liquid followed. The entire transformative procedure encompassed a mere matter of minutes. Lights soon ceased flashing. Electrodes stopped humming. The convulsions ended.

“Greetings, earth creature.”

The porcupine woke up.

It took him several moments to focus his eyes as he assessed his surroundings.

“Where am I?” He thought. “What are these creatures staring down at me, and how is it that I understand them?”

“We are certain you have a great many questions. Unfortunately, we don’t have much time. We are this galaxy’s “Green Guardians”. Our numbers are few. Our mission is life. Your planet is in peril. You have been chosen.”

“Chosen for what?”

“To protect life’s viability on planet earth.”

“But I’m just a porcupine.”

“Not any longer. We have enhanced you.”

“Enhanced me? What does that mean, exactly? How?”

“Your natural abilities have all been upgraded. You are now able to communicate telepathically with all living creatures on earth. Your coat is now fireproof. You’ve been given tele-transport access to your planet’s green realm. Consider that your safe route. Your quills will now fire, though only as a deterrent. They have immense healing capabilities. Your mission is life. Thou Shalt Not Kill.“

“Just what is it that you expect one “enhanced” porcupine to do? Will you be here to guide me?”

“Unfortunately, no. We’ve tarried too long already. We will check back in from time to time as we are able. Other worlds’ life forces urgently call. Our mission is critical. Life in this galaxy faces constant peril. Do not be afraid. You are far from alone here. You have all living creatures to help you sustain life’s viability on planet earth. One word of warning: Do not trust the humans. Good luck to you, earth creature. Now, we must go.”

With that, the porcupine suddenly found himself back in the cedar tree he had just fallen from. Still feeling a bit groggy and more than a little confused, since it was nearly sunrise, the porcupine decided to descend the tree and retreat to his den for a nap.

He was not certain which woke him. The voices screaming for help in his head, or the smoke. The porcupine poked his head outside. The air was thick with a greyish haze and smelled acrid.

A red squirrel scurried by in a panic. “Everyone run for your lives! The forest’s on fire!”

The porcupine scurried up a tree with lightning speed. There, he could see it, one whole side of the mountain was ablaze. He had to think fast. A stream ran through that valley. “You have all living creatures to help you”” Those Green Guardian words immediately sprung to him. The porcupine closed his eyes. “Calling all beavers. We need a dam built. Pronto!”

Not knowing quite what to expect or do in his newly appointed role, the porcupine closed his eyes again. “Take me to the green realm.” He immediately found himself in some sort of intra earth wormhole, teleporting instantaneously to the far edge of the blaze. There, from the safety of the green realm he spotted the culprits. A group of soot covered humans stood near a makeshift landfill hidden at the end of a dirt road. Empty beer cans and fuel cannisters littered the ground as the motley collection of humans stood watching black smoke and flame plumes arising from a burn pile of tires. They seemed completely unaware of the conflagration they’d started on the hillside forest beyond them.

“Yeah Buddy! That’s how we do it!”, one motley crew human declared as he let forth a loud belch.

The porcupine approached. One drunken mutt spotted him.

“Look! A porky butt! I hate them damned things.”

“Yeah, reminds me of your last girlfriend.” Another remarked, as he pulled a pistol and prepared to start shooting.

Without hesitation, the porcupine turned tail and let loose a foul blast. The quartet of tipsy tire burning humans immediately began retching and gagging. The would be pistol armed assailant was momentarily disoriented. The porcupine then let loose a direct hit volley of quills. All four humans went down, writhing in quill enhanced olfactory agony. The porcupine heard human vehicle sirens and engines roaring up the dirt road. He closed his eyes and focused. “Take me back to the green realm.”

From there he returned through the green realm worm hole back to the downwind side of the now raging fire. There, a contingent of beavers had answered the call. They were busy backing up the mountain stream’s water by constructing a beaver dam firewall.

Suddenly, from somewhere beyond the burgeoning pond, through the dense heat and smoke, the porcupine saw a form burst through the underbrush. It appeared to be a human form, running for its life from the fire, carrying in its arms a fawn. Smoke and flames were right on his heels. Running alongside the human was a dog. Without hesitation, man and dog plunged headlong into the water behind the dam the beavers were building just as a big burning old growth hemlock that had turned into a torch came crashing down on them.

“Don’t trust the humans.”

“Your mission is life.”

The porcupine heard both voices as he called in three bald eagles. The eagles swooped fearlessly into the smoldering hemlock tree’s thick black haze. Each grabbed a form in its talons and deposited it gently beyond the new beaver dam, safely beyond fire’s reach.

The porcupine emerged from the green realm to approach the three badly burned forms. He turned and shot each one with a healing quill.

The fire raged up to the far edge of the newly flooded beaver pond for nearly twenty-four hours before a thunderstorm helped firefighters battling their way in from the far side put the flames down. It took two days beyond that for the badly burned trio to come to. The fawn recovered first, miraculously healed by the power of the porcupine’s quill, it darted off into the forest after the porcupine telepathically located and alerted its mother.

The dog’s wounds healed next. Not quite as fortunate as the fawn, the state of its singed fur did not deter it from nestling in tight and licking its human’s face.

The dog telepathically spoke to the porcupine.

“Thank you for saving my human.”

The porcupine responded.

“That went against my better judgement. We should not trust the humans.”

The dog nodded. “In general, that’s true, but this one you can.”

It took another three days before the human came to. By that time search parties could be heard scouring what remained of the forest that had not been claimed by the flames. When his eyes finally fluttered open, the first words he muttered were,

“Maverick, my good boy. Thank God. You made it.”

Then the porcupine telepathically addressed him.

“Good day to you, human. How are you feeling?”

“Sore, tired and parched. Who might you be? And how on God’s green earth is it that we are communicating?”

The porcupine pretended not to hear the question and instead asked. “That’s not important right now. Other humans are out there searching for you. Can you walk?”

The human stood up gingerly, his dog by his side. “I’m the local Forest Ranger ’round these parts. This here’s my best friend Maverick. We were out patrolling when we saw the flames. By the time we got turned around to find a route out, the fire had engulfed us. Then I spotted a fawn that had gotten separated from its mother. The last thing I remember is I grabbed up the fawn and we just started making a run for it.”

The porcupine told the Ranger, “It was humans burning tires that started the blaze.”

“I’ve had my eye on that dump site for a while,” The Ranger responded. By the way, Mr. Porcupine, thanks for rescuing the three of us. You got a name?”

“Don’t trust the humans.”

The porcupine eyed the young man warily.

“Well, Mr. Ranger, my friends here in the forest call me:

“The Warden”

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Author’s postscript: When this story’s header photo appeared on my trail cam, my immediate reaction was:

“Why hasn’t anyone ever created a superhero based on a porcupine?”

Now someone has.

To be continued...

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Until Our Trails Cross Again:

ADKO