Left-Handed Fish

Posted On June 2, 2023

Show of hands:

Who’s Ready?!

Let’s Go Fishin’!

Now, I know what some folks are gonna say.

I can already hear the naysayers nayin;

“But fish don’t have hands! All this left-handed fish stuff is nonsense!”

I beg to differ.

Of course, fish have hands!

How else do they turn the newspaper pages of their morning Sunfish Times?

How else would they twist the caps off their fish brewskies when they’re kickin’ back on those hot summer days, knockin’ back a few cold ones?

What other explanation is there for how fish grip their fish axes when they split and stack firewood for those cold winter nights after the lakes all freeze over?

How else do reasonable folks really expect fish to safely drive their fish cars? (Not counting those ridiculous radicals who actually believe fish have mastered the technology of hands-free driving ahead of us humans. Now THAT’S utter fish story nonsense!)

So, having cleanly avoided all rocks, submerged logs & snags in establishing the fact that fish do indeed possess hands, and from that following my expertly cast (left-handed, of course) untangled line of fisherman’s logic, it only stands to reason that a substantial percentage of fish are indeed left-handed.

I can with confidence vouch for this fact.

Through years of meticulously researched and documented scientific study, I’ve actually caught my fair share of left-handed fish.

Though I must admit, sometimes when one inhales a lure almost bigger than he is, I can’t help but wonder;

“What on God’s earth was that lefty fish thinkin’?!”

I’ve even camp chef cooked and shared with my outlaw camp posse more than a few left-handed fish.

I’m of the very strong opinion that lefty fish just taste better than their right-handed brethren.

Though, if my outlaw camp posse eats my left-handed camp chef fish offerings right-handed, does that actually make those particular lefty Lemonade Bass filets ambidextrous?

I’ve often times wondered.

All kidding aside, I know for a fact our famous camp guest “Mushroom Mike” has experience with left-handed fish. He generally throws the big ones back though. He says the little lefty fish fit far better in his camp fish frying pan.

Of course, we’ve all heard the joke about the one-armed guy sitting by the campfire telling his fishy tale;

“I caught a fish one time that was thisss big!”

I’m pretty sure he was tellin’ that tall fish tale left-handed.

I’m also pretty sure he told that fish tale after spending a fair amount of time adirondack lake shark fishing.

And that his one-armed fishing story tellin’ guy nickname was “Lefty”.

Northern Pike are sometimes left-handed too.

Though I wouldn’t recommend holding northern pike or tiger sharks by the lip.

Now that I think about it,

maybe THAT’S how the one-armed fishing story tellin’ guy nicknamed Lefty ended up that way in the first place!

In the final fish handed analysis, what I know for certain is this;

If our politicians in Albany & Washington spent a little less time posturing, postulating & pontificating and a little more time fishing,

they’d probably get a whole lot more productive stuff done.

I strongly suggest they try it.

Left-handed.

**********

Until Our Trails Cross Again:

ADKO

(Author’s Endnote: This story appeared in the 7/10/23 online edition of The Adirondack Almanack.)